I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can tuck mytits in my pants
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
