I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
