Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
