: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
