I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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