i was born a porn star she said
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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