I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
