I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
