Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
