when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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