you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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