you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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