i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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