from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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