Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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