she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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