Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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