Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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