Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
