my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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