The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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