So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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