1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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