evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
