The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
