i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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