my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
