I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
