How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
