Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
