If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
