remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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