She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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