Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
