I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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