apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
