Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
