I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
