Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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