I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
40s are totally the cure
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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