The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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