She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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