The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
