did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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