took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
