i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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