Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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