what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
