Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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