just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
