i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
