Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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