no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
