so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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