idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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