So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just made me feel so damn special
I cannot find my penis.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
