If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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