i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
