can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
