how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
