he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize