You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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