God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
