she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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