dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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