dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
