Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
