I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
