Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
