I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
