if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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