you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
smell my finger.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
