you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
